went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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