So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
