the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
