Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
