After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
These tits shall not be calmed
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
