I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
