On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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