Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
