So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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