i think my mom watched the whole time
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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