I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
