Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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