saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
