So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize