I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
