Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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