Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
