the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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