He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
