all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
