He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
