this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Your penis caused this!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
