ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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