Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
