he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
