seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
