Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
