Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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