you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
