whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
