Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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