New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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