I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
