Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
