I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize