you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Randomize
