Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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