im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
