I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
