Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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