Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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