If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
