I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
