Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
