i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
