Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
