don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
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