walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
