I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
