At least make sure they are 18
Why
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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