I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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