Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm passing your future prison.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
