I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
