God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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