im so drunk with asians
where?
always
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I want a musical about memes.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
