just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
