Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
