eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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