What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
