Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
