had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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