Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
