Just cropdusted the office
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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