I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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