you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
