She is in my trunk
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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