I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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