I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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