Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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