I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
