when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
